


Just Like Heaven

by Cyan (vehicroids)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Look it's basically a coma AU, M/M, Mixed POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 16:16:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15755313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vehicroids/pseuds/Cyan
Summary: Shiro had been having nightmares since his return from Kerberos. Something about aliens taking over the universe. It was nothing short of terrifying. Lucky for him, his life wasn't that exciting.It had been a day since the fight against Zarkon, and Shiro still hadn't woken up. Keith didn't know what to do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PHEW SO!! Here we go, my piece for the Sheith Big Bang! This is... wow. I can't believe it's actually over? Uh.
> 
> Shoutout to [Spenser](http://twunkadelia.tumblr.com) for both being my beta and for the [art](https://frilthy.tumblr.com/post/177242112639/and-found-myself-alone-alone-alone-above-a-raging)!
> 
> And as ever, come check me out on [Tumblr.](http://vehicroids.tumblr.com)

The time had come. Voltron was finally going to take down Zarkon for good, putting an end to the Galra. Shiro had been looking forward to this since he was kept prisoner. It was all almost over, they could all go home. Everyone would be  _ safe _ . The thought of that relief was what kept him fighting this whole time.

Zarkon was proving to be a difficult foe, but they had expected this. Shiro gave it his all - he would not let Zarkon win. There was his opening. Black was calling to him. His bayard, of course. He slammed it in and--

Nothing. Darkness, and a stillness that sent a shiver down his spine. There was a loud and high-pitched ringing in his ear, deafening him.

Shiro woke up, gasping, heart thudding in his chest. Zarkon, the black lion, Voltron-- shit. Okay. Deep breaths. He sat up, hunched over, his eyes squeezed shut. It was okay, he was going to be okay. Shiro was just having a bad dream again. He swallowed hard, his hand tangling in his hair. Deep, slow breaths. He forced himself to relax as much as he could.

His fingers wound tighter in his hair, tight enough to cut off the circulation in his fingertips. How many more nightmares would Shiro have about Zarkon before this was over? How long would this last for? His breathing settled, his heart calming. But something felt wrong.

He pulled his hand out of his hair, his right hand, and it was no longer the metal prosthetic. He dug his nails in, expecting to feel warm metal. It was usually enough to wake him up from these kinds of dreams. Instead, his fingers dug into soft flesh. This wasn’t right. Panic rose in his chest once more as he looked around the room. It was not his room - it was Matt's. He stayed there after he and Adam had broken up. Normally if he dreamed of the Garrison, he dreamed of his old room. Then why…?

He knew this wasn’t real. It was just a fantasy, an illusion. But why? Zarkon - or rather, his  _ witch _ , Haggar - had to be behind this. He just needed to figure a way out of this.

This wasn’t real, but it felt too real. The door opened, but Shiro barely registered the sound. He curled in on himself, trying to steady his breathing. He needed to get back, wake up, make sure everyone--

“Shiro!” Matt shouted over the fog in Shiro's head, closing the door behind him. He hesitated, before coughing down to Shiro's level.

“Wh-- Matt?” Shiro whispered.

His head stung. Matt held out his hands, silently urging Shiro to hold onto him. He took a deep breath before grabbing Matt's hands. The touch helped calm Shiro down, rooting him back to reality. Matt squeezed his hands in an impressive grip, smiling softly at him.

“I'm here. I swear, I'm here with you. Whatever happened, it was just a dream,” Matt said.

Shiro shook his head. “No,  _ this _ is the dream. I need to get back. Back to Voltron, the team, Keith--”

“Shiro,” Matt squeezed his hands again, “it's okay. We’re home, and we’re safe.”

Shiro didn't feel like he was home. He realised Matt's hands, putting them on his shoulders, trying to feel for something that was off. The fabric felt  _ exactly _ like the itchy Garrison uniform. Not even his dreams could replicate this feelings. Not even Haggar could do this to him. He wrapped his arms around Matt tightly, holding him close. Relief washed over him. Matt was right there, and he was real. Shiro could cry.

“You're supposed to be dead,” Shiro said quietly. “The Galra, they…”

Matt held him back, just as tightly. “I know, Shiro, but it was just a dream. You know that.”

Of course he knew that. He knew that Voltron wasn’t real, and that he’d had these nightmares since his return from Kerberos. But they felt so real. Real enough to forget they were just dreams when he woke up. Why would something as exciting happen to someone as plain as Shiro? They were just stress dreams. He sighed, forcing himself to relax. He was home, he was safe, which meant everyone else was as well. Including Matt. Thank God. Shiro let him go.

“Come on, get dressed and we can grab breakfast,” Matt smiled.

Shiro nodded, hopping out of bed. Matt stood back up and left the room, giving Shiro enough privacy to get changed. He slipped on his irritating uniform, smoothing it down and taking a look at himself in the mirror. His hair was jet black, without the streak of white. There was no scar on his face, no mark that he had been anywhere near the Galra. He gave a shuddering sigh, closing his eyes.

Maybe it was his medication messing with him. Maybe it was the worry that he would soon die. Shiro didn't want to think about it, so instead, his brain tried to deal with it in his dreams. He shook his head, shaking the thought from his mind.

He left the room, and Matt was waiting for him out in the hallway. They walked off to the mess hall, and Shiro was excited for breakfast. His stomach was gurgling, and hopefully it just wanted food and not because of anxiety. He was looking forward to some human food, and not the dehydrated stuff he had eaten on Kerberos.

He heard two all too familiar voices, bickering over something he couldn’t quite hear. From what he could hear, it was a pathetic argument. Shiro groaned. Please don’t be an actual fight, please don’t be an actual fight…

“You're nuts,” Lance scoffed. “You have no taste!”

“ _ I _ have no taste?” Keith laughed. “Says you.”

“Oh, I'm sorry nothing will top your crush on-- Shiro!” Lance yelped. He stood up straighter, chest puffed out.

Shiro cocked his eyebrow. “What are you two fighting about now?”

“Keith's crush on--” Keith's hand flew over Lance's mouth.

“No one. We were just talking about breakfast foods, and-- don't lick my hand!” Keith hissed, wiping his hand on Lance's uniform.

“Don't cover my mouth, then,” Lance said, sticking his tongue out.

Keith and Lance went back to chatting like nothing happened. They always made an interesting pair. Shiro, Matt, Lance and Keith converged into one group and walked to the mess hall together. He kept looking at Keith, thinking something was a little off. His eyes were a bit brighter, his smile just a touch wider. He laughed at even Lance's worst jokes. Shiro couldn't remember the last time Keith seemed so happy. Maybe he had a little crush on Lance? That was cute.

Matt elbowed him in the ribs, shooting him a look of  _ knock it off _ . Shiro smiled at him, shrugging as a non-apology. It wasn't his fault Keith had gotten cuter in his absence.

They grabbed their breakfast and sat down, plonking their trays on the table. They had joined another pair, who were already mid discussion. Shiro paid no mind, his half-awake brain caring more about the food on his tray. Shiro glanced over, curious. It was Hunk and… who was that with him? Long honey hair tied up in a ponytail, arguing with Hunk over coding--  _ Katie _ . Of course, Matt’s sister had been accepted into the Garrison as well, how did Shiro forget? Lance wrapped his arm around her shoulders suddenly, causing her to yell.

“All I'm saying is, me and Katie - we're the dream team. And we're totally gonna kick you guys’ butts,” Lance said, grinning, before she shoved herself off Lance with a grimace.

“Are you joking?” Keith laughed. “Admit it, Hunk and I have you two beat.”

Shiro ate in silence, listening to them bicker. It was nice to watch Keith and Lance fight in a friendly manner, rather than watch them try to stab each other with spoons. As quickly as he thought that, Lance jokingly threatened to stab him with a spoon. Some things never changed.

The day passed, unusually uneventful. Shiro expected something to happen, anything, but maybe he was just being paranoid. His head was a strange place as of late - that dream screwed with his brain. How could he think a dream so wild could be real? It was the details that played on his mind. The Galra, Voltron, Alteans, saving the universe… Shiro laughed. What was it with him and aliens? Maybe he had a thing for them that he didn't want to admit to. But he wasn't Matt.

Every night since his return from Kerberos, he had these dreams. Shiro's mind likely wanted to make things more exciting than they were. Kerberos was interesting, but not exciting. Being a prisoner of a space war, a champion, and a defender of the universe were far more exciting than collecting ice. In reality, that would have been awful to go through. Traumatizing, even. Just going through it in his dreams was bad enough.

A hand brushed against his back and he sucked in his breath in fear. He glanced to his side, and it was just Keith. He frowned up at Shiro in concern. Shiro smiled at Keith, who gave him a small smile in response.

“You okay, Shiro? You were quiet at breakfast,” Keith asked.

Keith's concern was sweet, but unnecessary. Shiro was only over thinking. He placed a hand on Keith's shoulder.

“I'm fine. Just a rough night's sleep,” he laughed weakly.

“Voltron again?” Keith asked, brow furrowed in concern.

Shiro nodded, and Keith moved a little closer. He wondered how much he had told Keith about it, because he couldn't remember what he had and had not said. Shiro struggled to remember anything since his return from Kerberos a couple of weeks ago. He also couldn't remember Kerberos, not really, just a couple of snapshots. It felt like a waste - he had given up everything for an experience he could not remember.

“Do you wanna tell me about it?” he offered.

“We were just about to go up against, uh... What was his name…?” Shiro hummed, struggling to remember the name. “Ziton? Zarok? It doesn’t matter, really. We were fighting him, then something about almost dying. Then… I woke up. I don't know what happened.”

Keith smiled. “Maybe I should fight him. Then he might leave your dreams alone.”

Shiro laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “I don't think even you can take him on.”

If Zarkon, or whatever his name was, was real, Shiro would have done anything to keep Keith safe. There was no way he would have left Keith alone to deal with it.

***

Keith sat on the floor, knees pulled up to his chest, his back against the wall. He hadn't moved in long enough for the lights in the room to dim. It had been a whole day since they had taken down Zarkon. Keith hadn't slept since, keeping his position on the floor. The fight had taken its toll on everyone, and the team was recovering.

Especially Shiro.

Keith was the one who found him, slumped over the controls, breathing, but unresponsive. The important part was he was alive, but nothing woke Shiro. They tried everything to wake him, but he remained asleep. It was Coran’s idea to put him in a healing pod, just for now. It wasn't looking good at first, but his vital signs returned to normal eventually. Shiro should have been coming out of that pod in the next couple of quintances. At least, that was the hope.

Shiro likely only needed to rest. The fight had taken its toll on his body, and Keith knew that. But he couldn't rest. Not until he knew what was wrong with Shiro, or until he came out of that pod. Keith rubbed his eyes, trying to dull their sting. He wanted to be there when Shiro emerged, fine, as he should be. Keith should have done more - but he didn’t know what he could have done, and that killed him. He should have known. He dug his fingers into his calves, burying his face in his knees.

“Wake up soon, Shiro,” he whispered.

No matter how long he waited on the floor, Shiro showed no signs of improvement. He remained in his pod, unmoving. Keith knew that the pods didn’t always work, not for more severe things. But Shiro’s condition wasn't severe, he was just asleep. He couldn't wake up, that was the problem.

A couple of days passed, and the team gathered on the bridge to discuss matters. Keith didn’t want to be there. He already knew what this conversation would entail, and he didn’t want to hear it. He folded his arms on his chest, waiting. He hadn't slept - he couldn't - and his mood was sour. However, there was no escaping this conversation.

“We must face reality,” Allura said, her voice quiet. “There is a chance Shiro may never wake up.”

The room fell silent. Keith’s jaw clenched - he saw it coming, but he was no less mad. “What are you talking about? This is Shiro. He’s gonna pull through.”

Keith tried his hardest not to sound angry, but when one was running on about five minutes of sleep in three days… he wasn't going to make excuses for his feelings.

There was awkward shuffling behind him, boots scuffed on the floor and uncertain hums. He turned on his heel to face the rest of his team, but none of them met his gaze. Pidge examined her nails, Hunk looked down at his feet, and Lance fiddled with his sleeve. Keith didn’t know what to say. He turned back to Allura, who looked at him in concern. No one believed him.

“It has been a few days, Keith,” Allura reminded him gently.

“You said he’s fine. Then he should be coming out in the next couple of days, right? We just need to give it more time--”

“Keith.” Allura said. “I understand how you must be feeling, but it isn’t that simple.”

“So, what are we supposed to do? Abandon him in a fucking pod? Let him live out the rest of his days, preserve his memories, let him turn into your father?” Keith spat.

Allura glanced away, chewing her cheek. A hand grabbed Keith’s shoulder, pulling him back to face the rest of the team. It was Lance, whose eyes were narrowed into a glare, and his mouth hung open in disbelief. Hunk and Pidge frowned at him, too. Keith shoved Lance's hand off his shoulder with a huff.

“Dude, knock it off. We’re all upset about Shiro,  but--”

“Don't try to act like you know what you're talking about. He's gonna pull through,” Keith snapped, turning on his heel and storming out.

Why did Keith do that? Lance offered him an olive branch, and Keith snapped it in half and threw the twigs in his face. He raked his fingers in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp. He just wanted to scream. Instead, he punched a nearby wall, grunting. He felt like he was losing it. Keith needed Shiro so much, and the thought of losing him was just too much.

He got to his room, locked the door and sat down on his bed. Keith hung his head, fingers interlocking at the back of his head. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t be okay, not when something was wrong with Shiro and nothing was being done about it. Why was he the only one who gave a shit? He didn’t realise he was crying until he saw droplets splatter on the floor. Fuck, he felt pathetic.

He wiped his eyes, sniffling. He was alone, and his heart hurt. He was stuck in space with people who didn’t care, people who may not have even liked him. Losing Shiro the first time had killed Keith, but losing him now, when he was lost in space? It was too much. Keith just wanted to die.


	2. Chapter 2

Shiro couldn’t stop thinking about the weird dream he had last night. He couldn't see anything, but he heard voices. Keith was yelling at Lance and a girl whose voice he did not recognise. Keith left, upset, while the others discussed Shiro. Something was wrong, but they didn't know what. He didn't, either.

“We'll get you out of there, buddy,” Lance sighed. That was how the dream ended.

Seeing Keith that morning helped Shiro pushed the dream to the back of his mind. Keith was fine. There was nothing to worry about. Shiro was still worried.

Shiro's dream didn’t feel like the others, though. In the others, he was a participant, and he was able to interact with the others. This time, he was listening, unable to move or even open his eyes. Shiro didn’t catch most of what Keith said, but Shiro knew he was upset. He wanted to reach out to him and calm him down. Shiro was stuck in place, feeling his fingers twitch uselessly in his sleep.

Seeing Keith okay that morning did help. Shiro snuck in little glances, assuring himself this was reality, and that what he saw and heard was just a dream. Still, there was something that nipped at the back of his head. The more he dwelled on the thought, the more aware he became of this ache at the back of his head. It grew worse and worse, until Shiro thought he was going to be sick. So he stopped thinking about it.

He was beginning to convince himself these were just anxiety dreams, and that he was just worried about Keith’s mental state. His medication was probably adding to it, too. Keith had a habit of bottling up his emotions, and Shiro couldn’t help but worry about him. Keith always assured him he was fine, but Shiro would never stop worrying.

It was just them after class in Shiro’s room - Matt had gracefully ducked out of the room. By now, he knew better than to crash on Shiro's party. They sat on Shiro’s bed as they sorted through a box of his things. Specifically, old photos.

They flicked through photos, old photos he had forgotten about, and photos he had apparently taken of Kerberos. He didn’t recognise those photos, but he kept his mouth shut. He laughed, finding the old photos Matt had taken of Keith and Shiro pre-Kerberos. The pair were wrapped up in each other, wearing Shiro’s hat and Keith laughing into the camera. It was a joke picture, something to cheer Shiro up. He remembered feeling down that day.

“Look at you,” he laughed, showing Keith. “You looked so cute.”

Keith turned red, snatching the photo from him. “I forgot about that one,” he mumbled, putting it away.

“So did I, but I’m glad you still have it,” Shiro said, flicking through the rest of the photos.

The rest were slightly more serious photos where they just stood together or with an arm around each other. Shiro smiled. The thought of Keith back home was what kept him going during the dark days of being held captive.

Wait. That never happened. He meant when he was on Kerberos. But he didn't- something in his heart told him he was right the first time. His head stung, worse now than it ever did before. He dropped the photos he was looking at, clutching his head in both hands. Keith said something, but he couldn’t hear it. He grabbed Shiro’s shoulders, trying to catch his eye. Shiro finally looked up at Keith.

“Shiro?” Keith asked.

His voice and the look in his eyes were enough to bring Shiro back to reality. The pain subsided almost immediately. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He smiled at Keith, trying to wordlessly assure him he was okay, but the concerned frown did not disappear from Keith’s face.

“You haven’t been okay since you came back,” Keith said. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

_ Lots of things happened _ , his mind hissed, but Shiro had no idea what that could mean. He sighed, bringing a hand over his face. How could he talk about how he felt when he had no idea how he felt?

“I’m fine. I think going from space to Earth just messed with my head a little,” he laughed, not sure who he was trying to convince.

Keith didn’t seem to believe it, but he said nothing. He worried too much about Shiro. There was no need to add to his list of worries. 

Keith went back to looking through the photos, and Shiro wished he could explain what was going through his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head, instead flicking through the photos he hadn’t looked at yet. It wasn't like he could explain it, not when not even he could understand.

***

Keith didn’t talk to anyone, not since his outburst. He felt like shit about it, along with everything else. He couldn’t stand to see their faces when they saw him. He didn't want them to scowl at hi like they had after the outburst. He didn’t mean to be like that, but it was  _ Shiro _ . They had to understand, but it was likely that they wouldn’t. Shiro didn't mean as much to them as they did to Keith. To them, it was hot headed Keith being hot headed again. He pulled his knees close to his chest, closing his eyes . Keith knew he would have to apologise sooner or later, but he was fond of putting it off for as long as possible.

Allura put out a call for the paladins to join her for a meeting. And yes, that included Keith, whether he liked it or not. There was no use trying to argue against it.

It was a shame he couldn’t just skip out on these things, especially right now. He got up and joined the others on the bridge. He hoped it wasn’t another mission, because without a black paladin, they couldn’t form Voltron. They wouldn't have been that stupid. Luckily for him, this was exactly what this meeting was about.

Allura looked so nervous in front of the other paladins, like she was about to burst. She fiddled with her fingernails, gaze flickering between each of the paladins, lingering on Keith for too long. His brow furrowed, and she quickly moved on.

“As I’m sure you’re aware, it has been a few days since our encounter with Zarkon.” Allura glanced at Keith, gauging his reacting before continuing. “With Shiro’s current state, this has left us in a vulnerable position. Without a black paladin, we cannot form Voltron.”

The room was silent. Everyone knew this, of course. They needed Shiro, which was why Keith was pushing so hard to save him. Allura paused for far too long. Keith could assume what she was going to say.

“We must think about finding a new black paladin.”

Keith bit his tongue. He wasn't going to snap, he wasn't going to yell. At least, for now, he wasn't. He folded his arms over his chest, digging his fingers into his arms, holding in what he wanted to say. Maybe no one else would be okay with this idea. If Keith believed that, he would believe anything.

“How are we gonna do that?” Lance asked.

“Wait, I know. Remember how you assigned us the lions? Can you do that again?” Hunk asked hopefully.

Allura shook her head. “I'm afraid not.”

That was because there was only one black paladin in this universe, Keith thought bitterly. And with Shiro incapacitated, there was no black paladin. Keith inhaled sharply, picking his words carefully.

“We should focus our efforts on saving Shiro, instead. We already have a black paladin,” Keith said, his voice shaky. He was trying so hard to hold himself back.

“Keith, we can't help him if we have no idea what's wrong,” Allura said.

“Then we find out!” Keith snapped. He gasped softly, easing up. “There has to be a way,” he tried again, softer.

“But for now, we find a new black paladin,” Lance said, ignoring Keith's outburst. “... and how are we supposed to do that, anyway?”

Keith bit his tongue harder. Were they seriously considering replacing Shiro? That would only complicate things when he did wake up. Looking at everyone right now, it seemed like no one believed he would wake up. But this was Shiro, he would pull through. He  _ had _ to. Black was picky, she wouldn't just let anyone pilot her.

“We start with the existing paladins, and we move from there,” Allura said.

Keith  _ hated _ this plan.

***

Shiro missed Keith. He couldn't explain it, but he felt like something was missing when he wasn't around. He would lie awake at night just thinking about Keith, wishing he was there. He laughed to himself. If Keith was in his room, Matt sure as hell wouldn't appreciate it. Thankfully, Shiro didn't have the balls to tell Keith how he felt, so his poor roommate was spared. For now.

It didn't stop Shiro from missing him. Whenever they were apart, it felt like it had been months since he had seen Keith. He had never been so hopeless over a crush before, but after all, this was Keith.

Shiro invited Keith over to his room almost daily, and usually, he would try to make sure Matt wasn’t around. Though if Matt was home, he quietly ducked out. Not that either of them noticed his presence either way. Keith would put on his pretentious music, and Shiro would poke fun, secretly wishing that they could make out with that playing in the background.

Shiro laid down on his bed, relaxing with his eyes closed. Keith sat next to him, reading quietly. He could have tried to sleep on Keith - fake being asleep, of course - but he didn’t dare ruin the moment. Shiro hadn't slept well in a while, and sleeping next to Keith sounded like a good plan. Yet he couldn't sleep, no matter how long he waited for sleep to take him. Instead, he began to daydream.

Shiro found himself in a dimly lit place, with the only light coming from the stars in the sky. Everything had an odd purple hue which, while pretty, put Shiro on edge. Shiro had seen this place once before, but he couldn’t remember where. He looked around, and in the distance, he saw Keith, looking as lost as he did.

Shiro ran over over to him, and Keith turned to look at him. The moment Keith laid eyes on him, his jaw dropped, like he had seen a ghost. Keith's hair was longer, his face dirtied. He looked like he had aged ten years in just six months, bags under his eyes. Keith gasped softly, reaching out to him, tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Shiro…?” he asked quietly, in total disbelief.

Shiro held out his hand, fingers about to brush against Keith's. A too-familiar roar filled his ears, bursting him out of his dream. He sat up, hand over his heart, trying to steady his breathing. 

“Keith,” he gasped, mouth dry.

He looked around, and he realised he was back at the Garrison, safe. Keith had closed his book, looking at Shiro in concern. Shiro hated when he looked at him like that. He tried to smile, but Keith did not smile back at him. There was something that didn’t seem right. The Keith he had seen in his daydream wasn’t like the Keith sitting next to him, and he knew his imagination wasn’t that good.

Keith put his book down, holding onto his right hand. It felt oddly numb; he couldn’t feel the warmth of Keith’s hand, and barely registered the gentle squeeze. Shiro sighed, squeezing back.

“I’m fine,” Shiro insisted, “just a weird dream.”

***

Keith had sat in Black’s cockpit, and the moment he sat down, her controls activated. He wasn't given a moment to process this before he was shown some kind of vision.

Keith held his hands over his mouth to keep himself quiet. That was Shiro. It wasn’t an illusion, it wasn’t a dream - it was Shiro. He looked exactly as he did before he left for Kerberos, if not a touch older. That was who Shiro was supposed to be, had he not ended up in captivity. It was jarring.

Shiro looked confused when he saw Keith. It was as if Shiro didn't recognise him. He took a deep breath through his hands, trying to calm himself down.

To make things worse, this meant Black had picked Keith to lead.

This was all too much for Keith. He didn’t want to be the leader, he wasn’t Shiro. He didn't know what he was doing but, clearly, Black saw potential in him. He trusted Black’s judgement above all else, and if she thought this was the best way, Keith wouldn't say no. He could figure this out.

“Okay,” he said, patting her controls gently, “I’ll bring him back.”

He wasn’t sure why he was trying to assure a giant mechanical cat, but it assured Keith, too. He got up and out of the lion, where the whole team was waiting. Keith didn't know how long he had been in there for - hopefully only a couple of minutes. He didn’t know what to say. After being so against the idea of a new black paladin, it turned out it would be Keith. He froze in front of the team.

Keith caught Lance’s eye, which was apparently enough for him to start a pointless baby fight. “Are you serious?” he asked incredulously. “ _ Keith _ is our new leader?”

“You think I want this? If you want it so bad, you take it!” Keith spat.

“I would, but Black chose you!” Lance spat back.

Without Shiro acting as some kind of buffer between them, the pair were allowed to get into a shouting match. Keith didn't even know what they were talking about, and truthfully, it didn't matter what it was about. He just wanted to yell at someone. It ended in Keith having enough and storming off, back into his room. He had done that a lot lately, but he didn’t feel like hanging around people who didn’t like him.

Keith needed to deal with his emotions better than this, he knew that. He needed some time to adjust to all the changes. It was one thing after another, an avalanche burying him. Keith wiped his eyes with the back of his hand; he couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough to do this by himself, and as far as he was concerned, he had no one. His teammates didn’t want him - they didn’t need to say it, he knew they didn't - and Shiro was trapped in his own body.

Keith went to go and sit with Shiro for a little while, watching him rest. Seeing him like this was sad, but Keith couldn't just leave him. Sitting with him relaxed him, even if there was never any kind of response. He needed to find a way to get Shiro out of there, and if he had to do it alone, that's fine. He was used to being alone.

***

Shiro kept stealing glances at Keith and compared it to the Keith in his dream. This went beyond anxiety dreams, but he didn't understand how. He wanted to talk to Keith about it, but finding the words proved difficult. He saw a slightly older, more downtrodden, more exhausted Keith in his dreams. He couldn't keep shrugging it off.

The students had some time off, and while a lot of them went home to their families, Keith had no one to go home to. Conversely, Shiro had no reason to go home. Matt and Katie went home, however, leaving Shiro’s room free. He could ask Keith to stay over for a night - it wasn't strange if they were best friends. Shiro couldn't gather the guts to ask. Keith came over every day, and usually stayed rather late into the night. It was like he  _ wanted _ to stay over, but didn't want to ask.

“What time is it?” Keith mumbled, looking at the time. “Shit, it’s past lights-out. I can’t go back now.” He looked over at Shiro with a small smirk. Oh.

“You could always stay over. Matt’s not here, so his bed is free,” Shiro said.

Keith’s expression changed for a brief second, a small frown weighing down his features. “Oh yeah. So it is.”

Keith undid his belt - wait, was he getting naked? - and placed it on Shiro’s desk. Attached to it was a dagger, its hilt wrapped in aged bandages. He knew that dagger was important, but his fogged brain couldn't remember. Shiro couldn't really remember what it looked like, other than it had a cool design. He hopped out out of bed, grabbing the belt and taking the blade out.

“What’s this?” Shiro asked, unwrapping the bandages.

“I told you before, it’s my mom’s old hunting knife,” Keith said.

Something told Shiro not to believe that, so he carried on unwrapping. He expected to see something strange, like a weird glow, a strange blade. Or something. Anything more than it actually was. But the hilt was normal - it was made of leather that had started to peel away. The bandages were likely to keep the leather safe. Keith took the knife and bandages from him with a frown, like an adult taking something from a child who didn't know better, and started wrapping it back up again. Shiro shouldn't have done that, but he felt like he needed to. He didn't know why.

Something felt off to Shiro. He was missing something obvious. He tried to focus on that fleeting feeling, but his headache returned with a vengeance. Shiro held his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut to try and stop the ache. After a few moments, the pain subsided. Keith didn't seem to notice, instead putting the dagger back on the desk.

Keith sat back down with Shiro and brushed against his right arm. It always felt weird when Keith touched that arm, always  _ wrong _ . He looked over at Keith, who gave him a small, nervous smile.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” Keith asked. “Because we could… we could hang out.”

It didn't seem like that was what Keith wanted to say, but Shiro didn't push. “What did you have in mind?”

“Uh…” Keith looked like a stiff enough wind would knock him over. “Just, you know, stuff.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. Keith was being weird and mysterious, like he wanted to avoid something. He completely avoided Shiro's gaze, instead fixating on a spot on the wall. Keith was so weird. It was cute.

“Yeah, we can do… stuff?” Shiro laughed softly.

Keith smiled, relieved. He kicked his legs up on the bed, lying down. “Good. Night, Shiro.”

“Keith, this is my bed.”

Keith shrugged, rolling over. “Goodnight, Shiro.”

Oh. Nevermind, then. He slid into Matt's bed instead, and tried to sleep. Instead, he spent the night thinking about Keith on the other bed. He wanted to crawl in with him, cuddle him tightly. But Shiro stayed put - he couldn't cling to Keith.

***

Keith hadn't stopped thinking about Shiro. That was nothing different from the usual, but it had only gotten worse. He stood in front of the pod, watching him sleep. Still no news for what was going on with him, but he did occasionally twitch in his dreams. Keith hoped his dreams were pleasant, at least. He put his hand on the glass, sighing softly.

“I wish I could just talk to you about everything. I could really use your help right now,” Keith whispered. “

Keith wasn't a leader, people didn't respect him like they respected Shiro. He wasn’t Shiro. He would never be Shiro. He understood why Black chose him, but he resented tthe jr decision. He wanted to give the position away to someone else - anyone else - so badly. He knew he was stuck, however.

“Knock knock,” Lance said softly behind him. “Thought I’d find you here. Well, I thought it’d be your room first, but--”

“What?” Keith curled his fingers against the glass. “What do you want?”

Keith didn't mean for his tone to be so hostile, but he wasn't in a good mood. Lance paused, and Keith could sense him fighting with himself. If he didn’t want to be there, he should have just gone, and not just hovered so annoyingly by Keith. He took a couple of steps closer, until he was at Keith’s side. He looked up at Shiro, pretending not to notice Keith’s hand balled into a fist.

“I have to admit, man, I’m not thrilled with this,” he said. “Like, any of it. I don’t want Shiro like this, and trust me, if I could find a way, I’d break him outta there myself. And… yeah, you know what? I wasn’t happy that you’re our leader now. But we all know Black chose you for a reason. She knows if anyone knows how to save him, it's gonna be you.”

Keith scoffed. “How can I do that if we don’t even know what’s wrong?”

Lance put his hand on Keith’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Because if anyone knows what they're doing, it’s you. You might hesitate, you might be scared, but you always come through in the end. Guess that makes you a better leader than any of us.” Lance laughed. “I mean, we all know Hunk would panic at the controls, Pidge would just snap at the slightest thing, and I’d…” He shook his head. “Point is, you’re gonna do great, Keith.”

Keith wanted to believe Lance, he did, but it was difficult. He supposed the only way to know how good he was going to be was by trying. At least there was no more Zarkon - that was one less worry. The Galra were now weakened, but so was Voltron.

The difference here being, Voltron would rebuild, with Keith at the helm. Hopefully, the Galra would struggle to replace Zarkon. That would be Voltron’s only chance.

Keith sucked in his breath, eyes still trained on Shiro. He was terrified, but it helped to know at least someone had faith in him. If this was the only way to bring Shiro back, then Keith would do it. He would be the black paladin, he would be the leader, to make things right.

“Thanks, Lance. I really needed to hear that,” Keith said quietly.

“Sure thing, man. Anytime. You’re our great and gracious leader now, right?” Lance laughed, jabbing him gently in the ribs.

Keith snorted a laugh, for the first time in a few days. “Yeah, I guess you're right.”

He couldn’t believe that Lance being stupid would be just the thing to cheer him up. He released Keith’s shoulder and walked away, leaving him alone. Now, he felt strong enough to do anything. It felt nice to have someone in his corner - someone else for Keith to make proud.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith had been staying with Shiro for a couple of days. Shiro didn't mind, but he didn't like sleeping in Matt's bed. Maybe he could joke about Keith sharing his bed, but he didn't want to make Keith uncomfortable. Though, they had agreed to do something together, something they still hadn't gotten around to doing. Shiro didn't know why - Keith was putting it off, most likely. Shiro was just as guilty, however.

He wanted to hope that hanging out would be something more than it was, but they were best friends. It was bad enough to have feelings for him without hoping that it would turn into something else. Keith probably liked someone else, like Matt or Lance. That was even assuming he liked guys. Shiro needed to stop thinking about this.

Instead of just staring at Keith, Shiro should have done something about his feelings. Nah. He could just keep wishing. Keith kept catching Shiro staring at him, and he immediately looked at something else. Dammit, Shiro. He was an adult, but still acted like a pre teen with a crush. Keith always smiled at Shiro when he caught him staring, making him even more useless inside. Shiro needed to get a grip.

“So,” Keith started, dangling his feet off the edge of the bed and kicking his legs a little. “We still haven't gone out.”

“You still haven't decided on where to go,” Shiro reminded him.

Keith hummed. “We could just go for a walk.”

“What, break out of the Garrison and go for a walk in the desert?” Shiro asked.

Keith smirked at him. “You're saying that like it's the first time we've broken out.”

There was that  _ fuck shit up _ expression Shiro had missed so much. There was no way he could say no to that. They waited until it was evening, hiding under cover of darkness and moving silently through the halls. Shiro had to admit, there was something calling to him in the desert.

Once free from the confines of the Garrison, the pair laughed, relief and excitement both taking over. They ran before anyone could notice they were gone, moving as quickly as their legs could take them. Keith smiled so brightly, and his laugh was like a song.

He had a dream about the desert not too long ago, but he couldn't remember it very well. He crash landed at the Garrison, was strapped down to a table, and was knocked out. Something to do with aliens, he wasn't entirely sure. Looking at the desert, even in the cover of dusk, it didn't feel like anything exciting could happen here. The most excitement this place saw was these two running away.

“Actually, I brought you out here for a reason. I wanna show you something,” Keith admitted, not quite looking at him.

Shiro was excited to see this. He wanted to know everything about Keith, every stupid detail, even the most mundane fact. He followed Keith until they came across an abandoned shack, where they stopped. Oh. This was Keith's dad's house, wasn't it? Shiro didn't want to ask.

The shack looked just as abandoned inside as it did outside. A table made of bricks and a plank, a couch he was certain was older than their combined ages, and a dusty door propped up against the wall. The curtain on the window was a mere sheet, barely hanging on. He didn't even want to ask how Keith found this place.

Shiro noticed a board on the wall, covered by another sheet. He wanted to pull it off, his interest piqued. But when he reached over to pull it off, his headache returned. He dropped his hand, grimacing with a quiet hiss. Keith didn't notice, or if he did, he said nothing.

“What is this?” Shiro asked, gesturing at the sheet.

Keith smiled sheepishly. “Take a look.”

Shiro hesitated. He didn't want the headache to return, but when he reached over this time, he felt fine. He grabbed a corner of the sheet, looking at Keith, who nodded.

He pulled the sheet off gently, watching the old cloth drop to the floor. What Shiro expected were wild conspiracy theories that made no sense to anyone but Keith. Instead, he was greeted with photos. Photos of Shiro and Keith, photos of both of them with Matt. Photos of Keith with Lance, and Katie, and Hunk. Shiro was shocked - was this a friend collage? He never thought Keith would make friends, let alone so many.

A portion of it seemed to be a collage of things he had missed in the past two years while on Kerberos. Stupid photos Lance had taken of himself with his friends, likely having stolen Keith's camera. Shiro laughed, imagining just how mad Keith would have gotten at the time. Evidently, not enough to delete the photos. Keith smiled in most of the photos; he looked genuinely happy. Shiro was happy to see him so happy.

Shiro couldn't help the pang of sadness, knowing he had missed so much in Keith’s life, but he was here now. He wasn't going to miss any more. Keith came up beside him, and Shiro glanced down at him with a smile. His attention shifted quickly to the photos as he slowly moved his hand inside Keith's without a word.

“I can't believe how much has changed,” Shiro sighed blissfully. “I'm so glad you made so many new friends.”

“They dragged me to sit with them, I didn't have a choice,” Keith mumbled, but there was no hiding his smile.

Shiro squeezed his hand. “I missed you so much when I was gone. When things were hard, you were all I thought about.” He scratched the back of his head. “It feels weird admitting that to you.”

Keith went quiet, and Shiro thought he had said the wrong thing. Of course he had. Who would admit something like that to their best friend? Shiro should have let go of his hand and walked away, pretend this never happened. Keith pulled Shiro's arm to face him, reaching up to hold his face. Shiro had to try so hard not to lean into the touch, but his hands were heaven on his skin. His heart sang loudly, so loud that Shiro could not hear anything else.

Keith got on his tip toes, leaning against Shiro. His face was redder than the jacket he always wore, his breathing was only short little huffs. He was no longer the young boy Shiro had found in that orphanage. Keith was now a man, and it showed. Maybe it was wrong to have feelings for him, but it didn't matter to Shiro.

His gaze flickered between Shiro's eyes and his lips, biting his own lips, and Shiro understood. He draped an arm around Keith's waist, pulling him closer, while Keith brought their faces together. His face was so close, Shiro could feel his warm breath. He was going to pass out - this was it.

“Shiro, I… no.  _ We _ need you. Please, come back to us.”

Keith's voice was gentle, croaking, as if he had been crying. Shiro pulled away, before their lips could meet, concerned. He looked at Keith, but he looked fine.

“Did you say something?” Shiro asked.

“No?” Keith said, tilting his head a little. “You okay?”

No. Shiro was obviously not okay. First there were strange dreams, now he was hearing things. He nodded, smiling at Keith to end his suspicions.

“I'm fine, just hearing things.”

Keith seemed satisfied by that answer and stopped asking questions. Shiro was glad. He brushed his hand against Keith's face, pulling him in closer. Finally,  _ finally _ , his lips gently met Keith's. His lips were unbelievably soft, his breathing stilted, and to Shiro, it was the best feeling in the world. Shiro pulled away, looking into those eyes so beautiful they could kill a man. He was a mess, trying not to pass out from lack of oxygen.

“Keith, I…” The words were caught in his dry throat. “I really like you.” It wasn't quite accurate, but it was close enough.

Keith's face turned pink again, gaze flickering elsewhere, before forcing himself to look at Shiro. “I like you, too. When you left, I was so lonely. If I'd lost you…” Keith shook his head. “It doesn't matter. You're here now, that's all I care about.”

Shiro rubbed Keith's cheekbone with his thumb, unable to stop smiling at Keith. He was dumb, in love, and he couldn't hide it anymore. He wanted to pick him up, twirl him around, tell him just how much Keith meant to him. But the way Keith was right now, a stiff wind would have knocked him over. God, he was cute.

Shiro pulled him in for a tight hug, and Keith buried his face in his shoulder. He felt like the luckiest person in the world right now; this was all he ever wanted, for Keith to be happy, with friends, and to be with Keith. It felt like everything that could go right for Shiro was going right.

***

Keith had never been so frazzled. The Galra had taken a heavy hit after losing Zarkon, but they had a very capable replacement - Prince Lotor. Keith swore to himself that if he ever saw that guy in person, he would punch him square in the jaw. And that would have only been the beginning. He could have torn his hair out from stress, but he managed to keep it together. Just barely. Instead, he managed his stress with nonstop training. His downtime was spent with Shiro, even if he couldn't respond. Keith couldn't help but check up on him, and he felt he needed to be there in case Shiro woke up.

Keith wasn't the leader the team deserved, but he would damn well make sure he would be by the end of it. He would keep trying, make himself proud, make them proud. By the end of every training session, he was so exhausted that he passed out almost immediately on his bed. No showers, no dinner, just bed. He didn't have the energy for much else there days.

His habits did not go unnoticed. He was in the training room, more out of routine than want, and he felt the pang of hunger in his stomach. Not right now, Keith told himself, he would get food in a bit. The door opened, and Keith cast a look over his shoulder, before smashing his sword into a drone.

“Training end,” he said, watching the drones around him deactivate, before turning to the intruder. “Lance, what are you doing here?”

“Well, we haven't seen you for lunch,” Lance said.

“I wasn't hungry,” he mumbled, wiping his face on his disgustingly sweaty shirt.

“Or breakfast. Or even dinner, lately. Dude, have you been eating?” Lance asked.

Keith grit his teeth. He wanted to say his free time was none of Lance's business, but he had to admit Lance had a point. Keith didn't eat regularly, instead grabbing a snack if he remembered to eat. His lack of admission to Lance was admission enough.

“Alright, well, Hunk is cooking something good for dinner. I really hope you'll join us,” Lance said, turning on his heels and leaving the room.

Idiot. Keith should have taken the chance Lance was offering, but he was too stuck in his own head to speak. People weren't going to keep offering to reach out, he knew that, and he needed the team. But he hated the thought of needing someone, even the idea of showing even the slightest weakness was too much. He knew he couldn't keep going like this.

Keith had no intention of hanging out with the team, he told himself. He showered after training, deciding he could do with some rest, and relaxed for the first time in a little while. He was fine alone, he would just drag the rest of the team down in the dumps with him. He didn't want to drag people down with him.

Yet, at the same time, Keith didn't want to be alone anymore. He got dressed, making himself look presentable, and made his way to the mess hall. He wondered if they would even be there. A part of him thought this would have just been a prank, and no one would be there when Keith arrived. They couldn't have been that cruel, but he couldn't silence the fear.

He poked his head around the door, and to his delight, his stupid anxiety brain was wrong. Hunk was still cooking, everyone was talking amongst themselves. They probably didn't have enough room at the table for Keith, anyway. He was about to a slip back out when Allura looked over at him with a smile. 

“Keith! I'm glad you could join us,” she said.

“Come sit with us,” Lance patted the seat beside him. “You're just in time to settle a debate between me and Pidge.”

“It's not a debate if you're wrong,” Pidge huffed.

Keith sat down with them, listening to Pidge and Lance argue about whatever they were arguing about. He wasn't paying attention to the topic, but he was enjoying sitting with them, even if just in silence. He didn't know how to join in, but he was glad to be in company for once.

“What do you think, Keith?” Pidge asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Oh God, Keith wasn't listening. He looked at Pidge, then at Lance. “I think you both made good points.”

“See? You bored him to the point where he stopped listening,” Lance scoffed.

Damn, how did he know? Keith let out a small laugh, relaxing as the conversation quickly shifted to something else. Hunk finally sat down with the rest of the paladins, bringing big trays of food with him. Keith was so glad it wasn't food goo for once. He didn't care what dinner was - likely some vegetables that had no business being that colour, with meat from an animal he couldn't pronounce - but it smelled so good. Keith just wanted to shove it all down his throat.

One mouthful in, and he was in heaven. Good food, good company, good mood. Lance kept cracking stupid jokes, with Hunk shaking his head at him and Pidge poking fun. Allura laughed a little too hard, and Keith couldn't help but join in.

Keith wanted to cry - for the first time since he first became a paladin, he felt like he had friends.

The siren blared, overshadowing every other sound, and everyone put their cutlery down. All the paladins rushed to get changed, while Coran rushed to the bridge. Keith couldn't even have five damn minutes, could he?

***

Shiro was on cloud nine. He hadn't stopped smiling to himself, thinking about their first kiss. He would never get sick of kissing Keith, and when they got back to the Garrison, they went straight back to kissing in Shiro's room. Nothing could bring him down, not now. He was dreading Matt's return, but maybe he could shoo him out to make out with Keith. Matt would understand, especially after dealing with Shiro whining. It was either leave or listen to Shiro lament, and Shiro knew what Matt would pick.

That night, Shiro crawled into his own bed for once. Keith was stubborn, crawling in beside him. Good thing it was lights out, otherwise Keith would see how red Shiro's face was. Should he cuddle Keith? What if Keith didn't want cuddles? What if he hated being touched? Keith shuffled in the sheets, and even in the dark, Shiro could feel him looking at him.

“Can we cuddle?” Keith asked quietly.

Shiro opened his arms, anxieties leaving his being. “Of course.”

Keith was quick to move into the embrace, and Shiro held him tightly. This was heaven; even just sharing a bed meant the world to Shiro. He stroked Keith's hair, taking him in. He was so in love that it was pathetic - he never wanted to let go. He had needed this for so long, even since before Kerberos. He deserved this.

Shiro slept like a baby, without a single dream; why dream when the reality was so much sweeter? Even by Shiro's standards, that was sappy. He woke up, tangled with Keith, not sure where Keith ended and Shiro began. Not that it mattered. He kissed Keith's temple, rousing him from his sleep. Keith blinked slowly, and his expression as he woke up was nothing short of beautiful. He looked at him with bleary eyes, before finally registering where he was. Gorgeous.

“Good morning,” Shiro whispered.

Keith wiggled, making himself comfortable. “Hey. I guess yesterday wasn't just in my dreams, then.”

“If you're dreaming, then I am, too,” Shiro laughed, pulling him closer.

Even if Shiro was dreaming, he didn't care. He didn't want this to end. He kissed everywhere on Keith that he could reach: his face, his hair, his ears, all peppered in kisses. Keith laughed, trying to hide his face in Shiro's shoulder. That tactic didn't last, as Shiro gently held his head and pulled him back, continuing his barrage of kisses.

Keith couldn't stop laughing, but he finally broke free and got on top of Shiro. With a smirk, he dived down to kiss all over Shiro's face. He laughed, putting his hands on Keith's waist. Keith was startled by the touch at first, but soon went back to kissing, trailing his kisses down to his neck. Oh,  _ hello _ . Shiro tilted his head back, and Keith took that as an invitation. He kissed his neck, throat, jaw bone. Shiro closed his eyes, enjoying the affection.

Keith ran his hands down Shiro's chest, down to the bottom of his shirt, looking up at him first. Shiro nodded, and Keith's hands went under his shirt. His fingers ghosted over the skin, making Shiro's hair stand on end. He moved his hands down to Keith's ass, giving it a firm squeeze. Keith moved his hips against his crotch, his erection already straining in his boxers. Fuck, he just wanted to--

“Keith!” a woman's voice called, a voice he knew but could not name.

Shiro's eyes snapped open. He was no longer in the Garrison, and was instead floating in space. He tried to move, but couldn't. It felt like he was looking through someone else's eyes. He looked around, and soon realised - it had to be Voltron. Now, of all times.

“I'm on it!” Keith said.

“Keith?” Shiro gasped. “What-- what's going on?”

“Shiro?!” Keith asked in a strangled yell. “Shiro, can you hear me? Where are you?”

“I--”

Shiro's head was pounding and, just as quickly as the dream started, it cut out. He blinked up at Keith, who was frowning down at him. His hand was on Shiro's face, gently stroking his cheek. He didn't even want to know how this looked. He smiled nervously up at Keith.

“You okay? You passed out on me,” Keith asked.

Passed out? It didn't feel like he had passed out. He patted Keith's hips, getting him to move to allow Shiro to sit up. He held his head in his hands, trying to make the headache go. He felt sick and awful, his stomach churning. He wished this would stop.

“Sorry,” he grumbled. “I just need food and water, I think.”

Keith rubbed his back. “Let's go get breakfast.”

Shiro felt ashamed of himself. He couldn't believe he passed out on Keith like that, not when they were making out. This was beginning to worry him.

***

“Shiro?” Hunk echoed. “Keith, what?”

“He--” They were mid fight, there was no way he could explain this. “There's no time.” He immediately turned off communications. “Shiro! Please tell me you can still hear me. Just say something.”

No response. Whatever happened was a fluke - he couldn't think about it right now. He turned communications back on, though he wasn't listening to his team. He heard Shiro  _ again _ . He wasn't losing it, he just didn't know how he was doing it. Through Black? Maybe she was the key to saving Shiro, but Keith couldn't figure out how. His focus on the battle was completely lost, thinking solely about Shiro.

Keith was lucky to have a team like his, who could watch his back when something went wrong. Or, in this case, when he couldn't seem to keep his head in the mission. It was thanks to them that they were all still alive. Keith had nothing to do with it, not this time. They arrived at the castle, safe.

He put Black back in her hangar, but stayed with her for a bit longer. He kept his hands on the controls, eyes closed, and sucked in his breath. He had to try something, even just once. It might have been thanks to Black that he spoke to Shiro again.

“Help me,” he whispered, “Help me talk to him. I don't know what else to do.”

He tried to relax in his seat, focusing solely on Black. If she did anything before, she wasn't doing it now - Keith's bond with her simply wasn't strong enough. They didn't have time to force bonds, not when Shiro was reaching out to him. It would take time, but Keith was impatient. There had to be a better way, but this was the only way they seemed to have for now.

Keith sighed softly, rubbing his face. He was so tired. His soul was weary, his body craved a long sleep, and he just wanted another damn shower. He exited Black, stretching. To his surprise, the team was there, waiting for him. They looked at him, confusion and mild annoyance painted on their faces. He groaned, hand over his face. Of course they would be there.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about,” Keith grumbled.

Everyone relocated to the break room, as Keith knew this was going to be a longer conversation. He hated the feeling of all eyes on him - it was never for anything good he had done. Everyone sat down, while Keith stood in front of them, nervous. He was going to sound like he had lost his mind, no one was going to believe him. He swallowed dryly. His gaze flickered between all of them, before gathering the courage to speak.

“First of all, I wanna thank you guys for your hard work. Without you, we--”

“Boo,” Lance called, “don't procrastinate.”

Keith's expression soured. He wasn't that obvious, Lance was just good at reading people. He tried again, taking in a deep breath.

“Alright, fine, I know what you all want to know.” Keith folded his arms over his stomach, looking away, feeling nauseous. “I know how this is gonna sound, but I think… I think Shiro is trying to call out to me.”

The room went quiet. This was exactly what he thought would happen. No one believed him, he was losing his grasp on reality. He felt so stupid. He was about to leave, but he forced himself to stay in the hope  _ someone _ believed him.

Hunk rose his hand hesitantly, and Keith nodded at him. “Is that why you lost it back there?” Hunk asked. “You stopped responding.”

Keith shrunk. So they did notice. “Yeah. This isn't the first time, either. Last time, it was when I took over from Shiro. I-- I saw him, standing there.”

The team exchanged glances, unsure how to process this information. To Keith's relief, they didn't immediately throw out what he was saying. But there was a look of confusion shared among the group, with questions he wouldn’t have the answers to.

“So that's why you looked like you saw a ghost after you took over Black,” Lance hummed. “Wait. Dumb theory, I know, but what if his soul is stuck in Black?”

Keith shook his head. “I doubt it, she has no reason to keep him locked up.” He sighed softly. He kind of wished it was that simple. “The weird thing is, he looked like he did before Kerberos. That look in his eyes when he saw me… It's almost like he didn't recognise me.”

Keith rubbed his arm, holding his head low. He hated when they all looked at him like they didn't believe him. Keith had no reason to lie about this. Hunk put a hand on his shoulder, beaming at him.

“We'll figure out what's happening,” Hunk said.

Lance threw an arm around his shoulders. “Anything our kind and gracious leader needs, we're here for him.”

“We've got your back, Keith,” Pidge said with a nod.

“You don't have to search for answers alone,” Allura said.

Keith had never felt so surrounded in love. He smiled, trying not to let himself get overwhelmed. He knew now he didn't have to do this alone, that he had people around him. This was exactly what he had needed all along.


	4. Chapter 4

Matt was back, to Shiro's dismay. Not because he didn't like his roommate-slash-best-friend, but because this meant Keith couldn't stay over anymore. Well, he could, but it would have been weird. He wanted to make out with Keith in their room without having to deal with Matt making gagging noises. They could have gone to Keith's room, but his roommate was a stubborn ass. It was far easier to get Matt out of the picture.

Actually, that wasn't such a bad idea, but he didn't know how he was going to do it. Matt was similar to a puppy: if Shiro metaphorically threw a ball, Matt would chase after it. But what could be the ball in this situation? Matt was single, so maybe if  _ he _ was busy wooing someone, he wouldn't be at home. Shiro could totally set him up with someone. He waited until evening, close enough to lights out to make Matt tired and easier to get information out of.

All this for a boner? Shiro should have been ashamed, but he wasn’t. He was laying in bed, reading a book, acting nonchalant.

“So, you've dealt with me whining about Keith for who knows how long,” Shiro started, trying to hide the smirk in his tone, “What about you?”

“What  _ about _ me?” Matt hummed.

“Do you have anyone you like?” Shiro asked.

Matt paused, before snorting. “No, I'm all out of crushes, try again later.”

Dammit. This was going to be harder than he thought. Maybe this was a little manipulative. Shiro flopped down on his bed, somehow undeterred.

“Is there anyone you  _ wouldn't _ date?” Shiro asked.

“Shiro, look at me. What do you think?” Matt said.

“Don't say that. You're a cute guy, and I'm not just saying that.” Shiro stared up at the ceiling. “If it wasn't for Keith, I would've fucked you.”

Matt choked on his own spit, hitting his chest to make it go down. He laughed softly, but Shiro did mean it - he would have ridden Matt like a damn horse.

“... do you really think I stand a chance?” Matt asked, finally calm.

“Of course, Matt. Anyone would be lucky to have a guy like you in their lives,” Shiro said.

Matt hummed, springs squeaking underneath him as he laid down. Shiro was relieved he could help Matt with his issues. What started as a polite  _ fuck off for a bit _ ended as a cheer-up session. To Shiro, that was a victory.

Shiro and Keith weren't open about whatever relationship they had. They would brush past each other in hallways with knowing smiles, or walk together with the backs of their hands pressed together. As much as Shiro wanted to hold his hand, there was just something about public displays of affection that made him feel strange.

They could still sneak out together at night, and run off to the desert. Keith's wall of photos started to expand, with more photos of them filling the walls. Every photo where they were smiling or kissing made his heart melt, an image of their love permanently memorialized. He never wanted to forget any of their moments together, and the photos perfectly encapsulated their moments.

Shiro didn't tell Keith he was still having dreams about Voltron. He never had one like he did that morning, where he couldn't even move. Even worse, he passed out during an intimate moment, something he hadn’t made up to Keith yet. He couldn't even begin to explain it, it made him feel like he was losing grip on reality.

When would Shiro stop having these dreams?

***

Pidge had snuck out, and while at first Keith was pissed off, he soon understood why. She just wanted to find her brother, and Keith could relate to that. In truth, he wanted Matt back, too. If there was a chance he was still alive… Keith busied himself, refusing to think about it. There was always the chance Matt was dead, and Keith didn't want to think about losing another important person. He couldn't do it.

He trained instead, making sure he was strong enough to kick Lotor's ass. If he couldn't focus on his friends, he would focus on revenge. Soon, he would be proficient enough with a sword to fight with his eyes closed. The door to the training room opened, just in time for Keith to stab the training robot in its ‘heart’. He sighed.

“Training end.” Keith wiped his brow, not turning around. “What do you want now, Lance?”

“Try again, Keith.”

Keith tilted his head, before turning on his heels. He knew that voice. Matt was standing at the door, with a smile on his face. Relief flooded Keith, and he didn't know how to react. He took a slow step towards him, then another, until he was within touching distance. That was when Keith finally smiled.

Matt opened his arms for a hug, and he didn't hesitate. Keith walked into the hug, arms wound tightly around his torso. Screw the ‘manly’ hug - it was just them. Matt choked, laughing, and Keith loosened his grip.

“Happy to see me?” Matt asked, and Keith could hear his stupid smile.

“A little. We haven't seen each other in about a year, year and a half,” Keith said.

“Yeah,” Matt sighed, rubbing his back, “but we've got a lot of catching up to do-- and your back is gross and sweaty.”

Keith laughed, pulling away. “Let me take a shower, and we can talk.”

After a shower and a change of clothes, Matt and Keith sat in Keith's room. Matt talked about his time as a prisoner, and his time as a rebel. Keith couldn't believe how much a nerd like Matt had achieved. Saying that earned him a playful shove.

In exchange, Keith told Matt about how he had gotten kicked out of the Garrison, his time in the desert, how he had saved Shiro. Matt seemed impressed, like he doubted Keith. Rude.

“What's going on with Shiro, anyway?” Matt asked with a frown. Keith should have seen this one coming. “Pidge mentioned he was in some kind of coma, but that's it.”

Keith shifted uncomfortably. “We don't know. Not for sure.” He scratched the back of his head. “Lance suggested his soul is stuck in Black, but that's ridiculous.” Matt looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Don't tell me you're taking that as an actual option.”

“If you told me two years ago there was an alien overlord trying to take over, I wouldn't have bought it. Now? Anything is possible.”

Keith grimaced. That was ridiculous, and not because Lance or Matt suggested it. What use could Black have for his spirit? She would’ve released it by now.

“No, but the Alteans have a theory. It’s weird Altean magic, or something,” Keith said. He didn’t mean to sound dismissive about it, but he didn’t understand it. “It’s like a curse, used on people who were already slowly dying, before they had the technology to help people and before pods.”

Matt looked at him, hands in his lap. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” Keith took a breath, “that he’s probably in a dream, all thanks to Zarkon’s witch. It’s meant to be his ultimate fantasy, where he’ll eventually forget reality. When that happens... he’ll go peacefully.”

Matt exhaled softly, the information sinking in for both of them. Shiro was going to die if someone didn't do something, but no one knew what they could do. Time was running out. It reminded him of the helpless feeling he had when Shiro told him he was dying at the Garrison. Keith pressed the heel of his hand against his eye, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

“So we break the curse, right? But I’m gonna guess it’s not that simple,” Matt said, frowning.

“I don’t know how,” Keith sighed. “My only clue is Black, but she’s just not helping.”

Matt opened up his arms for a hug, and Keith leaned into the hug. He always loved Matt's hugs. Matt rubbed his back softly, no longer whining about his back.

“It’s not over yet. There’s still time to figure this out.”

Matt was right, but Keith just didn’t know how long they had left.

***

The good thing about Matt putting himself out there again was seeing him so excited. The bad thing was watching him panicking between outfit number one - a shirt with a hoodie and jeans - or outfit number two - the same thing, just in different colours. Matt was a mess. He flopped down on the bed, face first in the pillow.

"Maybe I'm just meant to be single," he muttered into his pillow.

Shiro sat down next to him, patting his back. "It'll be okay, I bet you'll have a great time. You're blowing it way out of proportion."

More groaning. "He's gonna know I'm a total dork."

"Matt. Anyone who's known you for five minutes knows you're a total dork."

Not helpful. Matt groaned more. Shiro wasn't helping his situation. It was just a date with a guy who, somehow, was a bigger dork than him. It struck Shiro as odd - Matt and Lance had never really spoken before. Then again, he didn't know that for sure. He shrugged it off. As long as they were happy, that was all that mattered.

"If something goes wrong--"

"Thanks Shiro, for your undying faith," Matt snorted.

"It won't, I know, but if you're worried, I'm just a text away."

Matt took his face out of the pillow and frowned at Shiro. In his defence, it wasn't his fault that Matt was being over dramatic over the whole thing. It was just a date, there was no need to get so worked up over it. Shiro couldn't say shit, however, not when he was still so nervous with Keith.

"Alright," Matt shuffled off the bed and finally pulled on one of his hoodies. "There. I picked, and now, I'm going."

"Don't you feel better just going for it?" Shiro joked.

"Nope," he said. "I'll see you later, Shiro."

Matt was gone, and this left Shiro alone in their room. He laid down on his bed, though he knew he wouldn't have to wait long. There was a small rap on his door before it opened, revealing Keith. He smiled, entering the room and sitting on Shiro's bed. He didn't even need to ask to sit with him anymore. Shiro laid down, and Keith kicked off his shoes, joining him. He laid his head on Shiro's chest, making himself comfortable. He rubbed Keith's back absentmindedly, closing his eyes.

“It feels like all my troubles melt away with you,” Shiro sighed. “Is that too much?”

“No, not if I feel the same,” Keith laughed softly.

Shiro huffed in relief. He kissed the top of Keith's head, and Keith leaned up to kiss his cheek. Shiro laughed, kissing the end of his nose, but he missed. Instead, he pecked Keith's lips. Keith held his cheeks, peppering kisses all over Shiro's face. Shiro, however, wasn't one to lie down and take it. He rolled them over, putting himself over Keith and smirking down. Keith pulled his face down for another kiss, more passionate than before.

Shiro's breath hitched, brushing hair from Keith's face. Keith ran his hands over Shiro's chest, raising his skin as goosebumps. Shiro shivered, straddling him. Keith slipped his hands under Shiro's uniform, dancing his fingers along the exposed skin. He deepened the kiss, tongue brushing against Shiro's, and Shiro moaned. Oh  _ fuck _ , this was happening.

Their clothes were soon ripped from each other, desperate to feel contact. Keith's bare body against his own felt like heaven. Shiro kissed every inch of his bare skin, making sure Keith knew every part of him was loved. And fuck, he was loved. He brushed the hair from Keith's face as he entered him, Keith's nails digging into his back. Joined as one, Shiro never wanted to stop.

They laid together afterwards, basking in afterglow. Keith was laying on his chest, asleep, but Shiro couldn't sleep. Something felt off. He couldn't explain it, but since he came home, there had been something looming over him. None of this felt right, like it was some kind of dream.

But everything felt inexplicably  _ perfect _ . Matt was happy, Shiro was happy, Keith was happy. Everyone was safe. There was something artificial about it, a safe plastic bubble of existence.

This did not feel right.

***

How long did Shiro have left? Keith wondered if Shiro was fighting in there, or if he was giving up. He wouldn't have blamed him. Keith didn't want this crappy reality, either.

Keith was slowly getting the hang of being a leader, gaining the respect of his fellow paladins. That was the only good thing about Shiro being trapped. It made him talk to the others, it made him more social in general, because he had no choice.

He could now say that the whole team were his friends now, when before he didn't think so. Not because he didn't like them, but because he felt like they didn't like him. He was starting to feel worthy of leading them. There were silver linings in this cloudy sky.

That did not mean Keith was okay with Shiro being incapacitated. He wasn't a fool, he knew the team needed Shiro more than they needed him. His job as leader was to find a way to save Shiro, but so far, he had no luck. His only hint was Black, but she was uncooperative. Maybe she didn't know, maybe she couldn't without a stronger bond. Or maybe it wasn't even her doing, but rather something else. Keith didn't know.

Keith spent time between missions and training with Black. Perhaps he was wasting time with her, but building a stronger bond would have helped for so many other things. He just wished Black would meet him halfway. If she wanted Shiro back, she would have to work with him. Yet still, she gave him nothing. Keith was frustrated, but he managed to hold that back as much as possible.

Until he just couldn't.

After yet another failed attempt at bonding with Black, Keith slammed his fists into the arm rests. He ignored the sting, too angry to focus on anything else.

“Why are you pushing me away?” he said through gritted teeth. “I don't know what else you want from me! I have sat here for hours, trying, but you won't. I want Shiro back just as much as you do, but you won't work with me.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily - in through his nose, out through the mouth. He needed to calm down, he needed to get through to her. But Black did not budge. Keith would never get through to her, but he couldn't just give up now. Everyone was counting on him to find a way to save Shiro, and this was the only idea he had. All he wanted was a small break.

In a flash of light, Keith found himself in the astral plane again. His eyes widened, immediately recognising this place. He turned around and Shiro was there, looking around, confused. Keith's heart sank. Keith ran over to him.

“Shiro!” he said, grabbing his hands.

“Keith?” Shiro looked Keith over. “…what are you wearing?”

Keith frowned, squeezing his hands. “Listen to me. You're in a dream.”

Shiro stared down at him in silence. At least Shiro could still remember Keith, but who knew how long for? Shiro looked dazed, like Keith was flashing a light in his eyes. He knew their connection would break soon, so Keith needed to be quick.

“Shiro, how much do you remember about me? About Voltron?” Keith asked.

“Voltron? Keith, what are you talking about?”

Keith blinked, and he was back in the lion, alone. He sank in the seat, sighing, rubbing his hand against his face. This was a start.

***

Shiro blinked back to reality. He had zoned out - to make matters worse, he had zoned out during an important assembly. He had no idea what was going on. Shiro cursed himself, trying to follow the conversation, but he couldn't.

Keith looked strange. He wore strange white and red armour, his hair almost covering his eyes. He looked dirty, and like he had not slept in months. And what was this about Voltron, anyway? What did that mean? He knew that word, but he couldn't remember how. He held his hands over his face, trying to focus. Just breathe, Shiro.

Everything felt weird still. He couldn't get the daydream out of his head, no matter how much he tried. He thought about Keith and the state he was in, and he couldn't help but be concerned. He knew what he saw wasn't real, and yet…

Shiro couldn't get ahold of himself.

His focus on anything else was completely gone. Every time Shiro looked at the real Keith, he no longer looked like himself. All he could see was a young man with tired eyes, scruffy hair, and a permanent frown. But after a moment, he returned to his cheerier self.

But this was a dream, he reminded himself. No, the tired Keith was a dream. The Keith in front of him was real. Keith cupped Shiro's face, forcing him to look at him. The touch didn't feel real, nothing felt real. Shiro felt absolutely nothing.

“Are you okay?” Keith frowned. “You've been off all day again. Maybe you should see a doctor or--"

“I'm fine, Keith,” Shiro said, trying to smile. He kissed his forehead.

Keith shook his head. “You haven't been okay since you escaped the Galra.”

“What?” Shiro's eyes widened.

“I said, you haven't been okay since Kerberos.”

It had to be his medication messing with him. Shiro would see the doctors about it later without Keith. Maybe he was over medicated. Maybe he was on the wrong medication. Or maybe this wasn't real.


	5. Chapter 5

Keith was making progress with Black. With every passing day, he felt their bond strengthening. The team was coming together nicely; Allura and Blue were doing great, as well as Lance and Red. Keith had someone reliable as his right hand, and a great friend on his side. If things went wrong, Keith could rest assured that he and his team could survive without Shiro.

He didn't want it to come to that, however. Not now, not ever.

Keith was still fighting to bring Shiro back, and he would never stop. He kept pushing Black for answers, but she never told him. Keith had to bite back his frustration - she wasn't Red. She wouldn't take any of his impatience.

In moments when he wasn't training or with the team, Keith was with Black. He had considered sleeping in her, spending his every moment with her. He would get her to work with him, especially if that was his only lead. Shiro didn't have long left, and Keith was all too aware of this fact.

Keith promised himself, Shiro, and the team - he was going to save him.

***

Despite a trip to the medical team, Shiro felt no better. His medication was decreased, but he still felt out of it. He tried to hold it together for Keith's sake, but he couldn't. Shiro was breaking.

Shiro couldn’t feel anything at all anymore - everything felt faded and washed out. He couldn’t hear anything, even though Keith was beside him speaking. Shiro tried to speak, but could not find his voice. He dropped to the floor, holding his hands behind his head. Shiro needed to breathe.

Keith crouched down beside Shiro. He tried to touch Shiro, but he couldn't feel it.

“Shiro?” Keith asked. He sounded like he had a lump in his throat.

“I’m here,” Shiro hissed, glad he could finally speak, “I’m okay, Keith, I’m fine.”

He opened his eyes, and he wasn’t in the Garrison anymore. Shiro knew this place before in his dreams. It was where he had first seen the tired Keith of his dreams.

He dropped his arms, looking up at Keith. Keith frowned, and Shiro would have done anything to wipe the frown from his face. His hair was long, dressed in strange armour he should have known, but he didn’t. Another hand touched his shoulder and Shiro looked up. It was another Keith - his Keith - smiling softly at him. The other Keith looked over.

“What is this?” Keith asked, looking over at the other Keith.

“I’m Keith,” he said, holding Shiro a little defensively. “Shiro, where are we?”

Shiro couldn’t answer that one. He knew, or at least he knew in the back of his mind, where they were. He had been here before, but never with his Keith. It was always with the other one, who was looking at him in confusion.

“We’re inside the lion,” the armoured Keith said. “The Black Lion. Please, tell me you can still remember Voltron.”

“Keith, I don’t--”

“Don’t listen to him!” His Keith took a step towards the other, pushing the other Keith back. “You’re having a bad dream. It's your medication screwing with you.” He looked back down at Shiro, softer again. “Come back to me, Shiro.”

Keith looked into the eyes of his other self. He was from back in the Garrison, in that hideous orange uniform. He tried to look menacing, but in reality, this was just a fake. A fake who hadn't been through anything Keith had - barely an adult. Keith wasn't scared of him.

“Shiro, listen to me. You’ve gotta come back to me - back to us. Hunk, Lance, Allura, Pidge, Coran - we all need you. Voltron needs you.” Keith sighed, scraping his nails against his scalp. “I need you, too. I love you, Shiro. I love you so fucking much.”

Shiro fought to understand. Coran? Allura? What was going on? Who - or rather,  _ what _ \- was Voltron? Shiro keeled over again, his headache flaring up. He wanted this to stop. He wanted everything to be over.

“But I can’t make you come back to us. If you want to stay with--” Keith looked over at the other Keith, who was watching in silence. “-- with whatever you’ve been dreaming of, I don’t blame you. I’m sure it beats the reality.”

“I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake,” Shiro admitted, adding a slightly bitter laugh. “Why can't this just end? Let it end already.”

Keith crouched down beside him, pulling him into a hug. Shiro wrapped his arms around him, and he could finally feel something. He closed his eyes, relaxing. Finally, Shiro was back to reality.

As was Keith. He blinked slowly, looking around - he was still in Black. He heard Allura call for him over the intercom, and he rushed out of Black and to the bridge, where everyone would be. Including Shiro. He was excited and nervous all at the same time, and his stomach was in knots.

Keith reached the bridge, and everyone had gathered around Shiro's pod. Silence. His heart thumped in his chest as he pushed past his small team, up to the glass of the pod. Shiro looked peaceful, too peaceful to be asleep. His heart stopped. He inhaled, his breath shaky. This wasn't happening. This hadn't happened, it couldn't have happened.

Allura was the one to approach him first. “Keith…”

“Don't say it,” Keith said, trying to choke back tears. “He can't be. He's not, not when I promised I'd bring him back."

He pressed his hands against the pod, trying to reach Shiro, but he couldn't. He banged on the glass, and there was no response. This wasn't possible. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

“Shiro!” Keith banged harder.

“It's no use, Keith. He's gone,” Lance said.

Keith turned to them. “Then we do something about it! We bring him back, we--"

Keith let out a sob, his body slumping against the pod. He tried to wipe his eyes with his sleeve, instead smearing tears on his armour. Hunk was the one to open his arms up to him for a hug, and he took it immediately. He buried his face in the other man's shoulder, trying hard to calm down. He couldn't cry in front of everyone, not when they needed him. Keith couldn't stop himself.

He felt someone else join the hug - Pidge, who was barely holding back her own tears. Lance soon joined in, making no effort to hide his sobs. Allura managed to find a space to hold him, and Keith broke down completely. He let himself sob, wrapped up in everyone's emotions. It was their loss, too - not just his.

“I should have done more,” Keith sobbed.

“You did what you could,” Lance said with a sniffle. “You did more than any of us could.”

Hunk squeezed him tightly. “We couldn't do anything else, buddy.”

Keith squeezed harder. “There is  _ always _ more I could've done! I let him down, and it's my fault.”

Keith wasn't enough to bring him back. Keith was never enough for him. He was never going to forgive himself for this. His mentor, the man he looked up to and loved the most in this world, was gone. And Keith no longer knew what to do.

He cried with his friends for what felt like an eternity. At least Keith wasn't completely alone.

***

The funeral was the worst thing Keith had ever been through. He had been through his father's funeral, and he had been through Shiro's first funeral. He could say for sure that this was the worst one. This time, knowing it was his fault, made the funeral so much worse. He didn't think he would have to bury Shiro again, not this soon. Keith tried to stay strong for the team, but it was hard to keep it together.

He loved Shiro so much, but it clearly wasn't enough. Not enough to save him from himself.

They opted for an open casket funeral - everyone could say goodbye properly. Watching the team say goodbye broke Keith's heart. Lance spent far too long by Shiro, but then, so did Hunk. Neither of them knew how to keep things short and sweet. They were an emotional pair.

Keith went last - he needed time to sort out what he wanted to say. He approached the casket slowly. Just seeing Shiro's face was almost enough to break him. He rose a hand to touch his face softly. It was cold, lifeless, and Keith swallowed, biting his lip. He gently raked his fingers through Shiro's hair, feeling the soft white locks, and he was almost alive. Almost.

“I'm so, so sorry, Shiro,” Keith whispered. “I tried so hard. I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you, and I'm sorry I couldn't save you.” He sighed, closing his eyes. “I love you, Shiro. And I'll always love you. I'm sorry that my love was not enough.”

He leaned into the coffin, pressing a soft kiss to Shiro's forehead. Keith never wanted to do this again, but at least this time there was a body to mourn over. This time, Keith could say goodbye properly. His eyes fluttered shut, slowly pulling away.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. They were supposed to go home together, they were supposed to be happy. Shiro was meant to survive. Keith wanted to run away, but he couldn't stand the thought of being alone. He was surrounded by people, but none of them were Shiro. And that was the worst part.

Keith wished he had said how he felt when he still had the chance. He would forever live with that regret.

***

Shiro blinked, and he was on the floor in the hallway. Keith was holding him tightly, face in his shoulder. Shiro rubbed his back, though he was confused. He felt like he had just forgotten something important. He supposed it didn't matter. He felt fine, free, almost. He pulled away, holding Keith's face, which was wet with tears. Shiro smiled sadly at him.

“Hey, don't cry,” Shiro said softly, wiping the tears from his face. “I'm always gonna be here, Keith. I love you so much.”

He peppered Keith's face with kisses, but he couldn't stop crying. He was utterly inconsolable. Shiro smoothed his hair, pulling him in for another hug.

“Why did you have to die?” Keith asked between sobs.

Shiro sighed. “It was just my time. I'm sorry.”

“Sorry isn't good enough!” Keith squeezed him tighter. “I miss you, Shiro. It's not the same without you.”

“Keith…”

Shiro played with Keith's hair, his sobs dying out. Keith sniffled, his face buried in Shiro's shoulder. There was nothing else he could do. Keith was starting to relax in his arms, nestled in Shiro. He couldn't ask for more.

“I'm so proud of you for the man you've become. I've watched you turn from an antisocial kid to a brave young man,” Shiro said.

Keith pulled away, looking at him. “But it's not the same without you.”

“No, but you've coped without me this whole time, you can do it for longer. You're stronger than you'll ever realise.”

Keith wiped his eyes again, and Shiro brushed a stray strand of hair from Keith's face, stuck with his tears. Keith smiled at him through the sadness, cupping Shiro's face. If this was the last five minutes they would ever have, they needed to make the most of it.

Keith was hesitant when he leaned in, his heart thumping in his chest. He closed his eyes as his lips made contact with Shiro's. Shiro threw his arms around Keith, and Keith wrapped his free arm around his shoulders. Keith wanted to be selfish, even if just for a moment.

“I love you,” Keith mumbled against his lips.

“I love you too, Keith,” Shiro whispered.

Keith woke up before he could kiss Shiro again. He let out a slow, shaky sigh, clutching his pillow. It didn't matter whether that was Shiro or not, it felt real enough to him. Keith would never stop missing him. As the leader, he had to put on a brave face. In the safety of his own room, he could cry over it as much as he wanted.

Keith missed Shiro, and he would never stop missing him. Nor would he ever stop hoping for him to somehow return. Or maybe one day, Keith will join him in the afterlife. He could only hope Shiro would be waiting for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sobs loudly. Thank you if you made it this far - I really appreciate it. Honestly, this fic became very hard for me to write for reasons I'm not gonna share here. I'm sure you can see where I ended up struggling. Hm. Ah well.
> 
> Another thanks to Spenser for [the wonderful art](https://frilthy.tumblr.com/post/177242112639/and-found-myself-alone-alone-alone-above-a-raging)!
> 
> And also, come check me out on [Tumblr](http://vehicroids.tumblr.com). Thanks for reading. It means a lot to me.
> 
> Please don't be afraid to leave comments. Even if it's just tearing into me. Just... be free.


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